Black Women, Beauty, & Conformity: Overcoming The Pressure to Conform
First Things First
I’m approaching this topic from a radical feminist lens. I am not against the #antibeauty. movement. In fact, I believe that we need more critiques of beauty and our performance of femininity in our daily conversations. However, I feel like the conversations about this topic devolve into shaming, and that’s never productive. These topics need to be approached with a stern, but empathetic kindness. Platforms like YouTube allow room for longer form content, and nuanced conversation, but platforms like Twitter often devolve into “gotcha-ing” and petty drama. That is what this article seeks to address, and I also want to share my personal experiences and add the nuance of a black woman’s perspective.
YouTube Channels That Approach Anti-Beauty with Stern Compassion:
Black Girls & Masculinization
Black women, & girls are masculinized and adultified in a way that white women are not. From childhood, I remember being made fun of for my peach fuzz & small chest. You know, the skinny girl swan song. They called me everything you can imagine, even through teenhood. “She looks like a 12-Year Old Boy!” Being non-conforming definitely didn’t help, my over-sized jacket, baggy jeans, and humongous feet were the focus of many insults. The same world that targeted me, is the same world that called me “masculine” when I had the courage to fight for myself. It established masculinity/non-conformity as a negative in my mind, something to run away from. I remember being one of the darker girls in a sea of light skin, treated as loud, wild, aggressive, traits unbecoming of a lady.
“Throughout history, darker-skinned Black women have always been demonized & looked at as men, for the features that they have and the qualities that they embody. Black women have negatively been seen as strong, competitive, aggressive and loud, all qualities that society says that women should not have. Because our society has been and continues to be run by men, their views have been systematically placed in our society. They believe that women should be the complete opposite of them in nature, meaning quiet, docile people, who they can control…” (The Nubian Message)
Having Compassion
Through Radical Feminist Texts, I’ve been able to unpack these ideas, and move more toward gender abolition. However, other black women have come to different conclusions. We see this in movements like #BlackGirlLuxury #CleanGirl & the #SoftGirl aesthetic movements. On Twitter, I see these girls “gotcha-ing” these movements, and the women who participate in them. As someone who has felt like masculinity is something to run away from, I understand them believing that the other end of the spectrum (soft, clean, etc) may be empowering. We know that it’s not empowering, but I can’t help but to empathize with them. People aren’t going to want to hear us out if we begin with an attack. Meet people where they are and approach with kindness. These women and girls are darker skinned, and they have felt masculinized their entire lives. Embracing non-conformity does not feel the same as it might for a white woman, and I don’t think it’s fair for non black women to mimic these girls when they don’t understand their experiences.
The Pressure to Conform
The pressure to conform to societal norms is crushing, when we approach anti-beauty, we have to address those pressures & brainstorm solutions. When we focus on a problem that the average woman has, we can create a solution. That’s how we reach other women, and meet them where they’re at. Shaming, and seeing these women as “beneath” you doesn’t accomplish that. We all grow up within the framework of the patriarchy, and breaking free from patriarchal programming is a never-ending journey. When beauty is promoted in advertisements, movies, music, social media, everywhere, it’s hard to ignore those pressures. I was looking for a picture of a woman with hairy armpits, so I searched “woman arms up”, and it took almost two minutes of scrolling before I found ONE picture of a woman in her natural state. I, myself, struggle with the pressure to conform and reading analysis isn’t enough for me to overcome these feelings. I recognize propaganda when I see it, but I still have this desire to present in a feminine manner. I’m writing this to reach out to other feminists and figure out solutions that target these pressures.
My Solutions
Exposure Therapy (Doing. Start slowly by not shaving, not wearing makeup, and not practicing harmful or expensive beauty practices)
Recognizing Harm (Beauty Culture breeds insecurity, it forces you to compare yourself to others, maybe even draining the bank to maintain a false image of yourself, following accounts like @BeAntiBeauty recognizes these harms)
Media Detox (Beauty is promoted in all forms of media. We have to remove ourselves from that world & stay grounded in reality. When we are on social media, we should be following women who embody what we want to be & who we are.)
Body Neutrality instead of Positivity
“The body-neutral approach leans toward the belief that it doesn’t matter if you think your body is beautiful or not. Your value is not tied to your body nor does your happiness depend on what you look like. A body-positive approach says you are beautiful no matter what. Period,” Dr. Albers explains.
Closing Statements
My final ask is that we discuss these topics because they’re essential, but let’s please have compassion when necessary. We want to reach others, and we can’t do so when the goal is to be a mean girl. I understand the frustrations, and I share them, but we have to humanize the woman behind the screen. Comment your solutions for combating “beauty”, and the pressure to conform.
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